Tarahfying Thoughts: The good things in life -- a soulful tribute
I had a Serious Reflection the other day, and I determined that there are a lot of things I just don’t like.
At the top of the list, of course, is yoga, but please pretend like I didn’t say that because I’ll admit it – those yoga people are frightening. I do not want to incur their wrath once more.
After yoga would be communists, bathrooms without soap and overripe bananas.
But despite all the pitfalls of existence, many great things exist in our beautiful world, and I view it as my duty to honor them.
So honor them I will, much like exemplary students are honored by being tortured with a boring assembly, except my speech will be more bearable because it will be shorter. And you can always click the little “X” on this page and close it if you want to. I won’t even notice! You can’t start clicking on the school principal or else you might find yourself in a few legal entanglements.
But, anyway, back to my list.
Any summary of my favorite things must begin with a genius man named Dave Barry.
There is an age gap of approximately 40 years, but I think that Dave will see beyond that and propose any day now. Other minor details include a Mrs. Barry as well as a couple of little Barrys that aren’t so little anymore, if you get my drift. Like I said, this stuff is very minor.
And Dave, quite the humanitarian, takes it upon himself to personally turn everyone’s Mondays to Fundays – you, too, can benefit from his generosity by subscribing to Dave’s hilarious weekly newsletter, complete with old columns and news, by clicking here.
Next on my list is the secret to my success – green tea. Throughout the span of my humble lifetime, I sincerely believe that I have consumed enough green tea to overwhelm the Hoover Dam. It has become my best friend, keeping me company as I toil away late at night, working on something dreadful like vectors.
When my eyes begin to droop, the tea says, “There now, Tarah, you’re going to be fine! Just have some of my caffeine and the world will right itself.”
I meekly comply with the tea’s wishes and feel better instantly, ready to tackle whichever exciting math problem the world has in store for me.
Because I am entering into the dangerous “principal’s honor roll speech” zone, what with the length of this column, I will conclude with just one more item that I would simply perish without.
Yes, it is none other than my beautiful Cinnamon Rush toothpaste. Since my epiphany about a year ago, it has brought me nothing but bliss. If Dave doesn’t propose within the next couple of years, I just might ask for my toothpaste’s hand in marriage. It could be argued that toothpaste doesn’t technically have hands, but you know how I feel about insignificant details. I mean, just look at how happy we are together!
Conveniently, I realize I’ve answered the classic interview question: “What three things would you bring with you to a desert island?” Which automatically qualifies me to work at any major corporation. Yes, sir (or ma’am, if you are not a sir) – Dave Barry, green tea and toothpaste would be my means of survival.
What would you take with you? I promise, I won’t make fun of you. Unless you say yoga mats.
Tarah Knaresboro is a senior at Leland High in San Jose. Her column, “Tarahfying Thoughts,” is published on this blog the second Monday of every month.
Wait for it....
I am about to agree with Michael. I know it's a little sudden and a little disturbing, but I want you to just take a deep breath, hold on to something, and collect yourself before continuing to read.
I think you are a little too hard on Communism. Although it is irritatingly impossible to engage in successfully on a large scale and responsible (though perhaps not in its "purest form") for the death of millions, it is nowhere NEAR as annoying as bathrooms without soap. To put Communism on the same list as that most infamous evil borders on the irresponsible.
I think I'd take Wikipedia with me. I just spent two hours brushing up on my Greek philosophers and Celtic mythology instead of studying for Spanish.
Does the genius know?
Tarah, I'm just wondering if Dave knows you are pining for him. You know, we could find a way to make sure he's aware. Has he been reading your columns? Shall we find out for you? :) Kathy
Why does Communism suck,
Why does Communism suck, even in its purest form? One sentence: IT IS BORING. Sure, everyone gets food, soap, and just-ripe bananas, but that eliminates the fun and risk in capitalism.
But my take? Market-socialism seems the best in my opinion. Major and necessary industries and institutions such as health care, education, communications (internet, telephone etc), transportation, energy (electricity, petroleum etc), defense, aerospace, finance (banking, insurance, loans etc) etc should be nationalized in my opinion with ONE institution that controls everything within its industry. That would eliminate redundancies. And the department/institution heads are responsible to the Economics Board (I just made that up) and the general populace; to make sure that works, their pays are tied to the performance of that which they govern, judged and gauged with client polls and satisfaction ratings. That maintains the incentive and motivation of capitalism while eliminating the waste (redundancy, etc) of it.
People won't have to waste time deciding what brand of oil to buy, where to get energy, whom to store their money with, etc if there's just one that covers it all. Advertising costs will be null, too, so the money can be better spent innovating.
Revenue will go to: 1. the employees, 2. research & development, and 3. the government during emergency cases. This is also why having the central banking system would be best. You notice that there won't be a need for PR and Sales/advertising
Having all essential industries under government control will also make them more easily controlled. I'm thinking primarily the oil companies right now that make hundreds of billions of dollars of revenue each year that don't go into anywhere but shareholder pockets. Instead the money should go into developing clean energy and the general government fund. (esp for transportation) This ways, the amount of tax necessary to support the government would be significantly reduced, meaning there will be a much smaller deadweight loss by the tax. If at all possible, charge no tax at all, and just make people pay for what they ask for (insurance, etc).
Every other non-essential industry, such as automobiles, computers etc, should be completely market-based (of course with some anti-trust provisions!) so competition isn't completely stifled.
That was fun. And Yoda, and now Yoga? :P I'm sure there are more Yoda fans than Yoga fans, so I suppose you'll be okay.
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What's wrong with yoga and communism? Communism, if it were possible in its purest form, would be beneficial, much like yoga.
--- The only thing I hate more than a dumb person who thinks he is smart is a smart person who thinks he is dumb.